Being in a good place and a bad place at the same time. Is
it possible and when does the bad place turn into a good one? I’m trying to
figure that out and it’s coming together. By sitting down and thinking about
this, I discovered it all comes down to letting go. I believe that letting go
is the key to unlocking the good places and forever shut down the bad ones.
Letting go is not easy. Letting go takes work. Holding on is
easy, because it is what we do best. We hold on to photographs, to old
furniture, to yearbooks, to memories, but also to anger, grudges, sadness and
pain. For some reason we find this easy. We find it easy to hold on tight to
these. They comfort us because we ‘know’ them. We know the people in the
photographs, the grandparents who owned the furniture, the classmates who
signed the yearbooks and the lost loves or friends who pained and saddened us.
What we don’t know is what happens when you let go. When you
let go of stuff in your house, boxes of memorabilia and hard drives full of
digital holiday pictures (you, and be honest, never look at, but you have 1300
of each trip. At least). We don’t
know what happens if you let go of anger towards a friend, if you let go of heartache
caused by, who you thought, was the love of your life. All will be missed, dearly. Funny eh?
How we are afraid to let go of these negative emotions, because we might miss
them? It really does not make sense to me. And for the material stuff? The
furniture, the yearbooks, the photographs…. That is just stuff, really.
Anyway, going back to the initial question. Being in a good
place and a bad place at the same time. At the moment I’m in it. One foot in
the good, one foot in the bad. And seriously wanting to jump over to the good.
But, as mentioned above, it’s scary. I don’t know this particular good place,
because I haven’t been in this particular one yet. And this particular one,
especially, has everything to do with letting go…. Letting go of my controlfreaky-ness (is there a correct
spelling of this word?), letting go of my insecurities, letting go of me
wanting things right now on my terms.
I’ll explain the two places and will try not to make it too
complicated. I feel bad (the bad place), because I feel I might have initiated
something that might have needed more time to fall into place. I feel I have
been a catalyst to something, which was actually none of my business to be in.
But then again, I was asked for advice, I was involved and it takes two to
tango. So… with me being involved, something bad and sad happened to a person I
care deeply about. The good place is the fact that I can now carry on with my
life and I may even be with this person some time in the future.
And this is where the letting go part comes in. Because for
that future to happen, I need to let this person go. For now, without knowing
until when. That future-belief takes trust. And trust is not my strong point. I
mean I’ve gotten better over the past few months, but I am still impatient and
not so certain everything will always fall into place. But then again, maybe not
everything needs to or should fall into place. Everything for a reason, that sort
of thing…..
So, whilst writing this, I’ve answered my own question. Yes,
one can be in both places simultaneously, but in the end, the good prevails the
bad. It always does. I want to be in the good place, I will let go of the
emotion of feeling the guilt for ‘helping’ putting that person in that
position, I will let go of the emotion of being impatient about the future and
I will let go of not trusting the Universe. And by this letting go, I feel
freer than I’ve ever felt before. Even if this means, ending up in a bad place for
some time, again. But which, I know, will eventually turn into a good place …. Because
it always does.
No comments:
Post a Comment